i just wish there was someone in this shit hole who knew how i felt and wasnt trying to empathize with me. i just want someone to know pure power and rage and anger and hate and destruction. no one knows it like i know it and no one reacts to it like me. i cant tell my friends and i cant form strong enough bonds with anyone i know, even my family. im just completely fucking alone. i waste my time going on free therapy and like group chat bullshit website in hopes someone knows how to handle me better than i do but they dont know shit and how can i expect them to, they dont know me and they will never know me because i will never allow it. i know its my fucking fault, but i just wish someone cared about me enough to ask me how im doing and actually care about the answer. i want someone to talk to me for once for my benefit, not just to hear themselves speak and be heard by me,. i want some fucking help and for gods sake, some attention.
i wonder what you would do if i told u i want to die but thats unfair i know because im a manipulative shit and ive done it all and ive seen what its done. i wonder i wonder i wonder repetition wont make this bearable or ok or normal. im shit and i will be shit until the day im rotted from the inside.
i was re reading my blog and i didnt know it was my blog i was like who wrote this
i am actual shit human feces i am it thats gross yeah i dont take it back fight me eat my ass kill my ass bite my face off cute wow romantic what the fuck am i talking about kill kill kill kill sdieiddieidie
I guess I have some cute things to report too but I always get nervous they’ll find it somehow…xboy shaved his head and told me to rub it for good luck hah yeah lame kinda cute idk I should not talk
I don’t really feel much lately. I don’t like anyone and I have no apparent reason to be sad but I cut the fuck out of my arm on Sunday and cried all day Sunday too. Idk shits going downhill per usual
I’m such a manipulative fuck
I want to die lil bit
I wonder if it would have turned out differently if I had done all the things I wish I had. If I had the guts. The brains. The confidence. But I didn’t and I still don’t. I miss you staring at me and I miss your subtle hints of friendship and affection. I miss having you care about me. But did you ever? Was I just a game, something easy and simple while the real girl you wanted ignored you? I guess I can’t say much on the subject since I throw people away like trash. But I always feel guilty and ashamed lately. Maybe we are too much alike in the sense that we couldn’t give less of a fuck unless it involves us. Maybe you wanted to know you could have me and drop me, because I know that can be a good feeling. But you still said things afterwards and you still looked my way. But instead of a smile, you just look so evil…but the things you said, the hours you spent, the things you did..they all mean you care, right? You must have at least thought you cared about me at some point…I miss you
Realizing how much I miss him really fucking hurts. I wish I never met him..
A cute guy followed me on my main blog I want him to eat my butt too bad he’s like 30
Re reading posts it sounds like me and xboy are dating but naw I don’t even have his number lol don’t get ur hopes up cuz it always turns to shit I’m just an obsessive little freak. I can’t tell if talking about him more or less will help me. If I don’t say anything will I think of him less? I told my friend I needed to stop myself before I liked him and she said “before? Too late 4 that” so now I’m scared and small and a child again and I’m so fucking scared of feeling it again…I never want to feel the way old stupid boy made me feel ever ever ever again. I think I called him Craig on here once??? That’s not his name but whatever yeah Craig fucked me up I hate myself I used to cut everyday and I had a lot of food trouble and I starved myself on accident kinda for almost two weeks then I passed out SO YEAH NO REPEATS I LIKE MY LIFE SORTA FOR ONCE
Ok I’m stupid but I just thought of him saying I was tiny compared to him and I got all bsjanaksnakana and wow I see him in 3 days but IM GOING SHOPPING TOMORROW!!/!-!-!-$ also I still need to read an entire book in 3 days so fuck my life and fuck my butt and I m so stupid I’m laughing my body parts hurt my actual bones ache I hope I’m growing I feel sick
I had a dream that he ignored me and didn’t like me anymore and I woke up and I was all sweaty and oh my god it felt so real my actual heart hurt. I guess we know now if he leaves I’ll die lol